Dreaming With Eyes Closed Tight
by tjmack1986
Summary: 3x24 AU. The blood is covering the ground at an alarming rate. No matter how much pressure she adds. In that moment she knows, no one is going to be able to save him. Character Death Warning!


The apartment is hollow. Every sounds echoes off the walls and floor. The black dress she's wearing lingers near the floor, her bare feet covered from those that stand around her. She sees them look at her. Ryan has unshed tears in his eyes, but he offers Martha a sad smile despite the obvious pain he is feeling. Esposito stands near the corner, Lanie leaning against his chest, her tears falling unchecked.

Beckett idolizes them. All of them. Even Martha, who has put on a brave face for all of those grieving around her, when Beckett knows that she is the one grieving the worst. It is, after all, her son that lost his life.

The only one that isn't present for the wake is Alexis, and Beckett doesn't blame the poor girl. Alexis idolized her father, and now he was dead and Beckett was alive. He had asked her, begged her, to walk away, and now she knows that if she had just done that, Richard Castle would still be alive.

* * *

Days Earlier

"Castle." His voice didn't hold the usual flare to it. His heart was hurting too badly. He hadn't meant to upset her, he just wanted to keep her alive.

"It's Montgomery. Kate's in danger, Rick. It's up to us to save her. Meet me at the hangar we're we found Lockwood's escape copter."

Castle couldn't form a word. Of course she was in danger, because she refused to see reason. Because she refused to back down. He couldn't be angry at her for it. Not when it was his fault. She had told him that she would go down the rabbit hole if she looked into her mother's case again, but he didn't listen. All he had wanted was to give her closure. To fix something in her life that she had never been able to fix on her own. Her heart. There was a scar on it so deep that it kept her from being able to love again. She didn't need to say so for him to know. He'd seen the way she was with other men in her life. Dating them, but never really letting them in. Hell, it had taken her two years to let him in as far as he had gotten.

"Of course." He finally answered, realizing that it had been several minutes that had gone on in silence without him giving Montgomery an actual answer. "I'll be there."

"Castle, I need you to be ready to listen to me. No matter what."

"You got it. Whatever I have to do to keep her safe."

The line clicked at the end of Castle's words, and he put down his phone. Eyeing the clock across the room, he knew it would take him a good bit to make it to the hangar, even in good traffic. Both, his mother and Alexis were asleep, and neither of them needed to know what was about to go down. Grabbing his jacket and throwing it on, Castle walked swiftly toward the front door. He paused for a moment, thinking that he should at least leave them a note, but thought better of it before pulling the door shut behind him.

* * *

Standing in the distance, just out of Beckett's eyesight, he sees it all happen. Beckett confronting Montgomery, and Castle can hear the regret in the older man's voice as he explains what happened. How he was a young kid, new to the force. He had thought they were doing the right thing, until a fed was killed.

Castle had received a text from the guys, saying that Montgomery was the third cop, but Castle hadn't wanted to believe it. Believing it meant that Montgomery would want to hurt Beckett, and he couldn't believe that. Not with the fear in Montgomery's voice when he had called Castle earlier that night.

Staring now, Castle couldn't deny it any longer. Not when Roy Montgomery had confessed. But, Castle had been wrong. Montgomery didn't want to hurt Beckett, quite the opposite. He wanted to redeem himself for the choices he made as a young man. The regret was written deeply on his face, as he begged Beckett to leave. He was trying to save her life, and she still refused to listen.

"Castle! Get her out of here."

Knowing that was his cue, Castle stepped out from the shadows, and watched as Beckett stared at him. It was like she didn't understand why he would be there to protect her. To be fair, most men wouldn't. After Beckett had thrown everything that they had been through away so easily, he probably shouldn't be there. He probably shouldn't care as much as he did, but it wasn't like he could just turn off his feelings. Castle knew that if he didn't do everything in his power to make sure that Kate made it out of this alive, that he would feel the power from it all fall onto him, like a thousand bricks. He'd never be able to forgive himself.

"Castle, listen." Kate started, but Rick could see the pleading on Roy's face, and knew that he was going to have to do something that would likely make Kate hate him even more than she already did.

"Castle, get her out of here!"

With a final nod of assurance. Castle moved forward, tucking his arms around Kate's thin frame and lifted. Even as she kicked and screamed, breaking his already fragile heart, Castle found it fairly easy to remove Kate from the hangar. Holding her close to him, even as she pleaded with him to let her go, tears filled his eyes, as he tried to hush her, doing the only thing he could think of, and clasped a hand over her trembling mouth.

Tears fell down the sides of her cheeks, and Castle felt as a few of his own tears revolted against him. It was then that they heard it. Gunshot after gunshot, until everything fell silent. Shocked by the turn of events, Castle's grasp on Kate loosened enough for her to break free. She didn't stop, once she started running, and Castle was right on her heels. He couldn't see her just yet, but he could feel the power of her scream, and knew that the worst had happened. Captain Roy Montgomery was dead, and it might as well be Castle's fault. He should have just left it alone. Kate had seemed to be fine with not knowing when he came tumbling into her life, but he couldn't just leave it alone, and now a man he considered a friend was dead.

* * *

The casket had felt lighter than he had expected. He stood off to Kate's right-hand side, and he could see the pain that she was desperately trying to hide. The tears that she fought hard to keep in check. He could see it all, no matter how far down she kept it buried.

"Captain Montgomery once told me that we will never win, that all we can do is fight the battles. That we can take our stand, and hope that there will be someone standing there with you."

Castle watched, as Kate spoke, the slight glance in his direction. She didn't have to say the words directly, he knew what she was saying. That she was glad to have someone standing at her side. He just wished he could tell her that he would always be there, at her side, fixing what he had broken.

It was in that moment that he saw it. Barely, out of the corner of his eye. A glint of the sun. He didn't have to see it fully to know what was happening. Kate's life was still in danger, and it was his turn to do what needed to be done to ensure her safety. Without a second thought, Castle ran toward her. "Kate!" He screamed out as his body smashed into hers hard. As their bodies made contact, a gunshot could be heard in the silent air.

"Castle!" Kate screamed out. Pain radiated in her left arm, but she ignored it.

Rick's body lay on top of hers, motionless. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. She couldn't be losing someone else. Someone that meant so much to her. She wiggled herself out from underneath his body, and felt the bile rise in her throat when she saw the blood. Her training kicks in, as she shoves her hands as hard as she can against the wound in Castle's chest. The blood is covering the ground at an alarming rate. No matter how much pressure she adds. In that moment she knows, no one is going to be able to save him.

* * *

She could hear her heart beating in her ears, as she sat in the waiting room. Waiting for information on her partner … her friend, someone that she cared about much more than she would ever admit out loud, because saying the words made it all too real.

"He's strong, Kate. He'll pull through this."

Kate could hear Lanie's voice … her words … but she couldn't bring herself to hope that what Lanie said would be the truth, because in doing so, it would break her far worse than she already was, if it turned out to be wrong. She had seen him. Rode in the ambulance with him, as he continued to bleed to death before her eyes. She saw his heart beat stop, going from an erratic beat to a flat-line. Her own heart had stopped briefly in that instant.

"He lost so much blood." It was the first words Kate had spoken since they had arrived at the hospital. She tried to keep her voice low, not wanting to upset Martha and Alexis. Both women sat across the hall from her, their eyes wide, shock written on their faces.

"I know, but that man is too full of life, for something like this to take him down."

It was then that Kate heard it. Lanie wasn't just trying to reassure Kate, Lanie was trying to reassure herself. Kate grabbed hold of Lanie's hand and squeezed. Though Kate felt absolutely no strength in that moment, knowing that if Rick died, it was no one's fault but her own.

"Mrs. Castle?" A young looking doctor called from the door that everyone had been watching.

Martha and Alexis stood up first, with Kate and Lanie following. "Mrs. Rodgers, I'm Richard's mother."

The doctor nodded. "You're son experienced significant trauma to his chest. The bullet missed his heart, but barely. However, it did hit his left lung. We did what we could, but we couldn't save his lung. It's not unheard of for someone to live a fairly normal life with only one lung, but our hope is to locate a donor for your son. He also had a significant amount of internal bleeding, and that is our main concern right now. We need to keep him under observation for the time being, because he could start bleeding internally again. We also gave Mr. Castle a blood transfusion to help with the massive blood loss he suffered."

Kate took a step forward, knowing she was over-stepping but not caring one bit. Martha didn't object, as Kate put a hand on her shoulder. "So, are you saying that Rick is going to make it?"

She tried not to hope, but couldn't help the flutter of happiness that lifted her heart.

"He's still critical, and we're going to be keeping him in the ICU for the time being. He needs to be watched closely. Like I said, he suffered significant trauma, and is very lucky to be alive. I can't promise that if he makes it out of the hospital that he'll make a full recovery. As it stands, he's living with one lung, and depending on whether or not he starts to bleed internally will decide if he will make a full recovery."

Kate sighed, she took note on how the doctor completely ignored her question. It made her believe that he didn't think that Castle would make it, and that little bit of hope that she had held a moment go, deflated.

"Can we see him?" Alexis asked, speaking for the first time since the doctor had made an appearance.

"It's family only in the ICU." He answered, looking directly at Kate.

She had known he would say that, but it didn't change the fact that she wanted to see him. Nodding, she made a move to back away from Martha, who grabbed a hold of her hand.

"Kate's his partner, doctor. She's family."

* * *

The doctor nodded, knowing he wasn't going to win in an argument with three distraught women. "Okay, but only one at a time, and try to keep it brief. Mr. Castle needs rest more than anything right now."

Martha nodded, patting Kate's arm. "Go on, Katherine."

Kate walked slowly in through the door to Castle's room. His skin was almost as white as the sheet covering his body. He definitely didn't look good. Purple rings under his eyes, which usually meant lack of sleep, only proved at how much blood he had lost. How close she had been to losing him.

"Kate." Castle rasped out.

She offered him a sad smile. "Rick." His name came out as more of a sigh. "Why did you do that?"

He made a move to scoot up on his uncomfortable hospital bed, before Kate slapped at his hand. "Because if I didn't, Kate, you would be dead."

Kate's body fell into the chair by Castle's bedside. The weight of everything finally weighing her down to the point where she could no longer stand. "Maybe, but, Castle, you have a family. Alexis and Martha, they need you. It just … no one needs me like they do you."

Castle grimaced as he reached out and grabbed a hold of Kate's hand. "I need you, and that's enough for me. Kate, I would have done it again. I would have done it a million times if it meant that you lived."

Kate shook her head, "But why."

Castle chuckled, ignoring the pain that flared as he did so. "Because, Kate, you mean that much to me. You are the smartest woman I know, but when it comes to you and me, you are just so blind to the possibilities. I love you, Kate, and I couldn't live with the fact that I could have saved your life, but I did nothing."

Kate pulled her hand away from Castle's. She hadn't meant it as a harsh gesture, but she could tell by the look on his face, that was how he took it. Did she love him? She definitely felt something for the man before her, but was it love? She wasn't sure she truly knew what love was anymore. It had been so long since she had allowed herself to feel much of anything toward anyone. It was just safer that way. But the hurt on Castle's face tore at her heart in a painful way.

Her mouth bobbed open, having decided to at least acknowledge her feelings for him, when his machines started to beep. Castle's eyes rolled back into his head and his body started to convulse. Kate stood up so quickly, that the chair she had been sitting in fell crashing to the ground. She ran for the door, screaming for help as she pulled it open. A wave of people flooded into the room, with a nurse pulling Kate from the room.

Just as she stood on the opposite side of the door, Kate's knees gave out on her, causing her and the nurse to fall to the floor. Tears fell from her eyes, as her scream pierced the silent air.

* * *

Kate was pulled roughly from her memories, when someone gently touched her shoulder. She noticed quickly that the loft had cleared out. Only herself, and Castle's family was left. Martha stood beside her.

"It was a beautiful service, Katherine. I don't know how you managed it, but thank you for getting him a policeman's burial."

Kate looked up at Martha, tears surrounding the edge of her eyes. She hadn't been able to cry since the moment time of death had been called. However, sitting in _his_ house, having _his_ mother thanking her, the tears were ready to flow. Yet, Kate knew that she didn't deserve to cry over her fallen friend and partner.

"It's the least I could do." Her voice cracked over the words. Tears threatening to fall at any moment. "After everything I put him through."

Martha sighed, sitting down beside Kate. "Katherine, you didn't put him through anything. Anything that he did for you, was because he wanted to."

Kate gave Martha a sideways glance. "He told me that he loved me … right before."

Martha sighed. All she had known was that Kate had been in the room with him when everything went really wrong. It was enough for her to know that her son hadn't been alone when he died, but to know that he had been with someone he loved was even better.

"I.. I think he died thinking I didn't feel the same."

Martha grabbed hold of Kate's hand, "How do you feel, Katherine?"

Kate sighed. "If you would have asked me a few days ago, I would have said that he is my friend … my partner, and that was all we were."

"You don't think that now?"

"I don't know if what I feel is love, Martha, but all I know is that there is a hole in my heart where Rick used to be."

Martha sighed, putting an arm around Kate's shoulders, allowing the younger woman to lay her head comfortably against her shoulder. "That's love, my dear."


End file.
